Pretty
I was talking to a friend today nothing specific and I realize it's been close to six years since my late husband's passing.
I paused with a mirrored thought it now felt like a severed arm once mine but now gone, I was very peaceful at the irony of it with no phantom limb pain.
I realize that my husband had gotten the last laugh because nothing golden had been grown out to grace .
Do people in Spirit laugh at us down below ?
I think probably so?
I would
Later, I thought about the times I would speak about a brand-new dress that I gotten all excited only to be told "you should work on your inside and not worry about what you look like on the outside " this gave me pause I thought, "I am a good person I'm a wonderful person why are you saying these things to me? " it made no perfect sense.
It was always that way :never a complement ,never a kind word always digging in an insult to tear me down . I realized today the reason why perfecty so : if I thought less of myself I wouldn't move forward.
I would stay as I was and that gave him security because he didn't want me but didn't want anyone else to have me either .
Unlike my late husband who in death cheated me a feeling something that could've been lifelong good this person with his insecurities about how he looked tried to make me doubt myself so I could accept just how ugly he thought of himself.
You've got to be cruel to be kind?
Make them feel like they need you and that they need your approval of them?
Tear down everything good that grows inside them so they feel too weak to leave you behind.
Understanding all of this today was a real awakening as I packed my belongings to go into the next adventure a better stronger more beautiful than ever before
me
I paused with a mirrored thought it now felt like a severed arm once mine but now gone, I was very peaceful at the irony of it with no phantom limb pain.
I realize that my husband had gotten the last laugh because nothing golden had been grown out to grace .
Do people in Spirit laugh at us down below ?
I think probably so?
I would
Later, I thought about the times I would speak about a brand-new dress that I gotten all excited only to be told "you should work on your inside and not worry about what you look like on the outside " this gave me pause I thought, "I am a good person I'm a wonderful person why are you saying these things to me? " it made no perfect sense.
It was always that way :never a complement ,never a kind word always digging in an insult to tear me down . I realized today the reason why perfecty so : if I thought less of myself I wouldn't move forward.
I would stay as I was and that gave him security because he didn't want me but didn't want anyone else to have me either .
Unlike my late husband who in death cheated me a feeling something that could've been lifelong good this person with his insecurities about how he looked tried to make me doubt myself so I could accept just how ugly he thought of himself.
You've got to be cruel to be kind?
Make them feel like they need you and that they need your approval of them?
Tear down everything good that grows inside them so they feel too weak to leave you behind.
Understanding all of this today was a real awakening as I packed my belongings to go into the next adventure a better stronger more beautiful than ever before
me